You Never Know

I have been sans computer for the past few days so I will catch up with what has happened the past few days.

I suppose that because I haven't had much to be cheery about that I have been thinking pretty negatively about getting back into shape. I have been running about 2 miles a day at a slow pace when I used to be able to run 10 a day at a much faster pace. But if the last two days of running taught me anything. It is to keep my head up because good news and good feelings could come sooner that I think.

Monday might have been the worst running day that I have had in quite some time. My legs didn't hurt that much and I wasn't feeling like crap, like I have sometimes felt even when in shape. But the moment that I took off for a two mile run I truly did not want to run at all. I really did not want to run another step. It wasn't for any reason in particular, it's just that my heart wasn't into it. About 100 feet in I just wanted to turn around and go back. I tried to reason with myself and say that I would cut it down to just the mile loop and finally I was able to convince myself to at least go that mile.

I was thinking that it was just mentally an off day. Those happen all the time. But then on Tuesday, I once again felt terrible. Not sick or sore, but I truly did not want to run. I did not want to strap on my shoes and run. I didn't even want to think about running. I have never felt that way in a very long time, or ever. I couldn't put my finger on the feeling. I definitely haven't been overtraining. I think the heat may have an affect on my morale but other than that there is no good reason.

At about nine o'clock I took a large gulp, laced up my aasics and sacked up for a one mile run. However, when I began to run something strange happened. I actually began to feel good. Very good. Because of this new good feeling, I decided to take the turn for two miles. I continued to run harder and harder and just seemed to feel better and better. I even tried my luck at running by a radar gun which didn't make a hell of a lot of sense but it still felt good to do. I was clocked at 17 MPH by the way. I finished in a cool summer night, feeling great about myself.

This reminded me of a time that took place during the senior year of my high school. It was the last dual meet of the season and it was against two rivals of our high school and it was one our home turf. I was ready to run a damn good race and was really excited to see what our team would do. I finished last in the race, for the sole reason that I was not in the right frame of mind. I was just getting out of a knee injury and I was just mentally not there. It was a heartbreaking loss for the team and for me personally.

About a week later, the team was running a track workout. 400 repeats. I ran them okay. Not great. Not bad. Just okay. It was the second to last one that I ran terrible for some reason. I just was once again mentally not there. My coach asked me what the hell happened and I said that my mind just got to me. I told him that it felt just like the previous race. Coach Ford is all about a runners mentality and that it affects everything about a runners success on the track and cross country course. I was about to start my last 400 when he stopped me. He called Mike over. Mike was another senior runner who never would see the top seven varsity but still gave it his all and was a great help to the team. He had Mike run his 400 first. When he took off Coach Ford then had me approach the line and when Mike was 200 meters away, Coach told me to go. By the end of the 400 I caught up with Mike and finished with my best time of the day. Coach asked me how that felt, and regardless of him being my elder I told him, "That felt fucking great." The next race I ran my best race of the season.

Running is all about mentality. You are going to have good and bad days because of your physical state that day, but also your mental state can affect you day in and day out. You can sometimes have an affect on that, but sometimes you may not. I guess the best I can say is that just try to get out and run everyday regardless of your day before, because you never know....