I saw this sage like advice on a poster back in high school when I was a runner. I saw the message on the poster and thought, that is exactly the way that I am as a runner. I may slow down at times and things may get rough, but I will not quit. I will never give up.
Well over the past four years, I have given up and it's not until now, when I have shuffled off this collegiate coil, that I have started to try to get back into shape again. Maybe the past four years have been a manner of slowing down, but in actuality I definitley stopped.
For some reason, during today's run I thought about that poster. I have no idea why today it came out of nowhere but maybe it was becuase the route that I usually run today is one that I have stopped at, at the top of the hill, several times when I was having a bad day, even when in shape. Today I suppose my goal was that as much as I could slow down I would not stop. This went through my mind as I was running up the hill. I felt terrible. Everything was sore. But that statement rang true in my mind, "I will slow down but I will not stop." Before I knew it, I was over the hill.
On my way down I noticed someone in running gear, walking at the bottom of the hill. As I continued to approach I could tell that he noticed me, and he began to start running. It was something I would occasionally do, I took a break but then felt guilty when a judgmental stranger saw me that I would start running again. I can't imagine why, but at that moment I said, "I could beat this guy."
This was the first competition I have had in a very very long time and I wanted to make something happen. I went on the other side of the road, to make it look like I didn't care if I passed him or not, when we all know that I did. I came up closer to him. He had on high top sneakers, long gym shorts, and a baseball cap. Obviously someone that didn't know what he was doing. I have been running short distances and slow paces that past few days but I at least look the part. As I came up closer to him, he began to look like someone that I knew. There was a runner back in high school from another school that used to do terrible, his name was Kevin. Then sometime during our junior year he began to become fantastic and would surpass me in every way. He began to win state honors and awards and then was so good that he was no longer on my radar screen. I never ran for the glory of it. But it always bothered me that he did better than me. As selfish and arrogant as that sounds. Seeing the back of him began to remind me of him, and I began to think how amazing it would be if I beat him.
I was practically next to him on the other side of the street when he looked over at me. I realized it wasn't Kevin. It was actually some older guy with a mustache. I was somewhat dissapointed but then I realized something. I was in this guy's head now. He looked back. This is the cardinal sin of running. If you look back at the person behind you in a race, it means you are worried about the runner behind you. Which means you might as well invite that runner to try and pass you. Therefore, on the other side of the street, I began to pass him and got a steady lead. I then crossed the street and I was in front of him. I imagined the coach in me telling me what to do in my head. "Don't look back Sean. Keep a steady pace. Slowly Lengthen that lead."
It hurt. It hurt so much. I just kept on saying to myself not to slow down. Occasionally, a car would go by and snap me out of it and I would speed up once again. I took the turn up a slight uphill and then powered across my front lawn. I felt like I was in a race again. I was scared of the person in front of me. I pushed it to the absolute limit. I made it hurt. That guy probably didn't even care about me. He was probably just another schmo trying to get into shape. But it still felt good to at least feel like I was a racer again, even though I am not even close to that speed.
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