In the past few days, excuses have gotten the better of me. On Wednesday after a day of subbing for a gym teacher, I mowed the lawn in the heat and then was too hot and tired to run that day.
On Thursday, I substitute taught art to preschoolers. After a day of tracing butterflies, I fell right on the bed and woke up in time to meet my friend Matt for a movie.
On Friday, I taught middle school students about the earth's core and then drove up to Cape Cod to meet my family for Memorial Day weekend.
I never run well when I am on vacation, even back when I was in shape and as time went on it was even more difficult to run. There never seems to be the time. Do I run in the morning when I am hungover and sunburnt or do I run in the evening where I'm covered in salt and sand, sunburnt, and slightly buzzed full of a bunch of Sam Adam's Summer Ales. My parents have been able to master running hungover. However, I still cannot get the muster to run in the morning when I am normal never mind hungover. Honestly, I know that I am just making excuses, but I do have issues running during vacation. If not becuase of the state of my physical essence, just the principle of running when I am not supposed to be doing anything.
In short, I haven't run from Wednesday to Sunday because I was making excuses.
I came back from the cape today and upon doing so I immediately unpacked and went for a run to make up for lost time and upon starting the run, a flashback came back into play.
It was my sophomore year of high school and I was doing fantastic on the team. I made the varsity and was able to run in the conference finals, and to do that as a sophomore is a fantastic honor. I was very excited and nervous for the big race. The gun went off and I was racing along side of some of the best in the state. At about a hundred yards in, I feel my laces slapping against my leg, and my shoe was untied. Of course an untied shoe is not as bad as any muscle torn but a head case like myself let it bother me more than anything could possibly have bothered me before. I finished the race with a lousy time in a lousy place. I crossed the line, let my head hang low and laid down to tie my shoe.
Since then, my shoe has been tied tightly around my ankle for every single run, both of them, until today. I looked down and I saw that my shoe was untied only after a few moments of my run. As I bent down to tie my shoe, looking like an idiot. I thought about that race. I thought about where I stood then and where I stood now. I was upset then about a 19 minute 5K and now I am treating one mile a day an accomplishment. It's difficult but I am chosing the worst time of year to try to get back in shape. But if I don't do it now, then I don't know when I will do it.
I was thinking that a one mile run today would be no problem. It was very hot today but I have been running somewhat regularly. It wasn't the heat that was getting to me, but my stomach began to feel heavy. I barely finished. It does bother me that I still feel one mile as a burden. I just hope that eventually that will end.
There has been alot on my mind recently. It has been two weeks since I have graduated. I haven't felt much different but I have been getting anxious. I can't pinpoint why exactly. I have just not felt in the right frame of mind. While there were times on my vacation this weekend that I felt relaxed other times I was beginning to feel bothered about something that I couldn't quite put my finger on.
In other news, I talked to Ali once again for the first time since this year's alumni weekend. It didn't go well. I suppose I can tell the whole story, now.
Ali was a friend of mine, with whom I met on BOP my freshman year when she was a sophmore. She is a perky, beautiful girl that was one of the sweetest most kindest I have ever met. She always had a way of making me smile. I always wanted to tell her how I felt but never had the guts. When I came back my junior year, her senior year, she had a boyfriend. It crushed me because we were such close friends and she never told me about him. I had to hear it from someone else. I would be upset all year, crying to all of my friends, but I never told her. Until one night towards the end of the year, when I had a quite a few beers and she beat it out of me. She said after she heard this confession that she saw a maturity in me that she never saw before and she became attracted to me and kissed me one night drunk and one night sober, still with her boyfriend from back home. It kind of threw me into a confusion that I still haven't been over. I tried to make things better by coming into contact with her again during the alumni weekend. When I found out she had a different boyfriend over the past year. Which put me in a large amount of pain that was worse than before. I try to say that I am over her, but I can't quite decide if I am or not. I guess this is something that is going to be swimming around in my head for quite some time. It must have to do with graduating and the transition.
I guess that Ali is going to be my untied shoe for quite some time.
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