The Chill of Reality

It was at around 5 PM after a day of lounging around, eating christmas cookie, drinking egg nog, and failing at christmas shopping, that I decided to make the effort to go for a run. I put on the typical outfit of long sleeve shirt and running shorts and made the effort to go for a one mile run. While bouncing up and down as the garage door opened and feeling the chill of the winter air, I thought to myself, "This is going to be a mistake." My thought process was right on track.

I was simply going for a run. I just used the mechanics I have been taught since birth: putting one leg in front of the other in an accelerated motion. But I always forgot the difficulties of running in the winter. The fact that the temperature is low means that it is damn near impossible to breath. Also exposed legs lead to a very uncomfortable situation regardless of however quick a run may be. There are also the difficulties of running at night. Whether it's having to dart onto a yard whenever you see headlights or just in general having the feeling of being alone and stuck just simply thinking.

In reality, I'm heartbroken. Not about anyone in general but I just simply feel alone in the relationship department. For too long I have either been used for a moment and then cast aside or I have been toyed with for whatever the reason and then just left alone. I have been denied for friends of mine and just constantly and consistently rejected. I don't blame any of them. It's probably the way I act or the way I am. This is very off topic for a blog like this, but it was what I was thinking of during my run and as any runner knows it's impossible to shake what your thinking on a run. I guess the reason I am posting this now is that I just need to wonder. What's it all for? Why run? I'm doing it to keep in shape to keep from getting fat so that I can get a girl, but why bother with that if what I'm doing now never seems to work anyway. These are stupid whiny thoughts and they don't seem to make any sense but I guess becuase I am moving on into the real world soon. It seems unlikely for me to succeed in anything regarding a relationship.

I finished my run today. It hurt. I am still hacking away trying to cough up the cold temperatures that I was heavily breathing in for about ten minutes. I felt like I was going to throw up, which I haven't done since I've earned that feeling back when I was on a team. I finished something. Now if I can only start something.