Mind Under Matter

I didn't run that past two days but I haven't been fretting about this particular issue. I really did have classes or appointments the entire day so I really had no other choice but to skip my runs. These were also unusual appointments that normally don't factor into my typical weekly schedule, therefore I will still be able to go for runs on the upcoming weeks on these particular days.

I have also haven't been displeased with my dedication in the past two days because I've been noticing differences in myself. I have been realizing that I have been feeling the same way that I sometimes did in high school. A freshman, I met when I was an orienation leader this year, was able to confide in me about some of the problems she has been having thus far in school. This wasn't what was different about myself but she did say something that stuck with me. "How come I never see you in a bad mood?" I addressed this question with an inner chuckle because I am often in a bad or depressing mood, sometimes from nothing but the typical grind of the day. Therefore, you can understand my confusion from this question. However, I looked back on the past week since I started all of this and realized that I have not been bummed out or depressed at all. I haven't even had any stress or feelings of insecurity. It could be determined then that the running has has a profound affect on my outlook on life in the past few weeks.

Another change in me is that I have been extremely hungry. I would eat dinner and then hours later be hungry once again only to be hungry again just before I go to bed. I have been wondering why this has been going on and remembered that running boosts your appetite, which happened often in high school.

With these changes, I was confident that I was getting back into the swing of things. So you could imagine my excitement to start running again, after my classes today. It was easy to get started. No excuses arose. No obstacles presented themselves to me. There wasn't a shadow of doubt that could douse my sunny mood and I was ready to tackle 3 miles. Sometimes, however, the mind isn't the only ingredient of a good run.

As I took off down the road, I found it increasingly hard to keep at a decent pace. My legs felt like sand bags. I felt as if it was the first time I was running. My legs couldnt keep up with my motivation and therefore my motivation began to be dragged down into the bowels of running hell. Just after passing Big Tony's, I turned down the street to make the run a two mile run. I did it without even thinking. This only proves that I was feeling worse then having to run through a driving rain storm.

I decided to run in the middle of the empty street, hoping that this type of image would motivate me further. It did not. I passed a man walking on the sidewalk, obviously too fatigued to move on. I normally would think, "What a slacker!" But today I looked at him and thought, "Man, I wish I was doing what he was doing." I would obey this desire at the next turn.

I never like to stop, but between stictches poking at every inch of my torso and being barely able to lift my legs. I stopped at the corner to catch my breath. I was so dissapointed. I looked down the street at the line of golden trees shedding their leaves as they dance toward the ground, where they lay idle. I turned into what slackers envy and what runners call slackers. As I was looking down the street I noticed the walker, once again running and doing so towards me. Out of shame, I continued to run along my route.

The same pace and same attitude was draped across the rest of the run. When I stepped onto campus, I gritted my pants as I looked at my watch. It was at 15 minutes and with this something dawned on me. However, horrible I felt, I could still beat my time from my first run only a week ago. This would be a victory in several ways and I decided not to let up. Regardless of my dragging legs, broken spirit, and ugly stomach stitches, I felt myself flying across campus until I reached the front of my apartment at 16:40. This is a terrible time for 2 miles but it's better than when I felt great on the same run a week ago. I need to keep reminding myself that I won't become an all star over night....but I'm going to need to over a month.