Zero Miles

I didn't run today. I didn't run yesterday. I haven't run since my last post, whenever the hell that was.

It started as being lazy, but recently and just not cared. But recently, I caught a bad cough from the campers or counselors but regardless it has been spreading around. It has been difficult to even go to work nevermind accomplish the laborious task of running a few miles.

I guess the reason I am writing is because a lot has happened in the past few days and all of it has caused me to be miserable. There is of course the graduating and having no life thing that I could do without, but whatever, I am used to that. Recently, I have been interviewing for a teaching job in my own hometown, which would have been convenient for me and I was really looking forward to teaching. Yesterday, while waiting for a camper off of the bus, I received an email on my iphone that said they chose someone else. I was expecting a rejection but an actual tangible rejection is always something difficult to handle.

I didn't want to go out last night. I was miserable between a cough and unemployment I hated what I was going through. My dad thought it best to cure my cough through scotch. I "sipped" that down and then moved onto wine. While drinking wine I stood in the backyard and I looked up at the trees. They towered over me and the branches broke through slightly revealing the orange sky. A cardinal flew out of the branches and shot across the other side of the house. I didn't see it again.

I just went to bed after that. My parents had friends over but I just didn't want to see anyone.

I am terrified. I have no idea what my life is going to bring to me. I have no idea.